Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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