I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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