I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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