I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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