I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
