the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
40s are totally the cure
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
