the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
