You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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