Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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