we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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