Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
