I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
