He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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