1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.