The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.