i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now