I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder