I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
