since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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