I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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