How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
