I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
