when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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