I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
