I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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