sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
