dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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