If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
