discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm like, not good at living.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
