..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
