The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
