totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
