I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
