Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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