He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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