..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
