Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
