every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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