can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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