so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
