she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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