i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
