Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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