listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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