a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
