I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
