Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
