YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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