see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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