Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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