If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
