I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
