What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
