I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
me + whiskey = a bad person
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
