no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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