Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
