we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
