Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
