i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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