your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
