I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
